RE: A reasonably clean joke thread - 33

Here are some interesting food and drink packaging from around the world.

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Here is a real looser.

On my way to do errands today I stopped at Quick Trip to get coffee and as I walked up, I noticed these 2 police officers watching a man who was smoking while pumping his gas. I saw him and thought, is this man stupid, crazy, or both, especially with the police standing RIGHT there.. But anyways, I minded my own business and went inside and got my coffee. As I was paying for my drink, I heard someone screaming!! Like I’m talking violent death screams!! I looked outside and I saw that this man’s arm was on fire!! He was swinging his arm, running around going nuts!! Like he was bat shit crazy .. When I got outside, the police had the man on the ground and they were putting the fire out!! Then they put handcuffs on him and threw him in the police car. I was thinking, arrested?? Shouldn’t he be in an ambulance, not a police car!?? And being the person I am, I asked the police what they were arresting him for.. The officer looked at me, dead serious, and said, "waving a firearm".

These two are a little better:

My boss just texted me: “Send me one of your funny jokes!” I texted him back: “I’m busy working. I’ll send one later.” “That’s hilarious,” he said. “Send another one!”

My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. I told them, “Just you wait!”

Here is another "groaner" for you:

A Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their whole lives studying the majestic grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone to study these wondrous beasts.

Finally, their request was granted and they immediately flew to New York and then on west to Yellowstone. They reported to the local ranger station and were told that it was the grizzly mating season and it was much too dangerous to go out and study the animals.

They pleaded that this was their only chance. Finally the ranger relented. The Russian and the Czech were given cell phones and told to report in each and every day.

For several days they called in, and then nothing was heard from the two scientists. The rangers mounted a search party and found the scientists' camp completely ravaged. No sign of the missing men, just two sets of bear tracks leaving the site, apparently a mated pair of bears.

They followed the tracks a few miles and found the female. They decided they must kill the animal to find out if she had eaten the scientists, as they feared an international incident.

They killed the female and cut open the bear's stomach, discovering only the remains of the Russian.

One ranger turned to the other and said, "You know what this means, don't you?"

"Of course," the other ranger nodded. "The Czech is in the male."

Let's eat a wiener for lunch.

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Zitat von Richard230 im Beitrag #486

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Let's eat a wiener for lunch.

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Zitat von zer0netgain im Beitrag #487

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Zitat von Richard230 im Beitrag #486

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Let's eat a wiener for lunch.

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Does it come with a tossed salad?

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Zitat von wessie im Beitrag #489

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Zitat von Richard230 im Beitrag #488

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Zitat von zer0netgain im Beitrag #487

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Zitat von Richard230 im Beitrag #486

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Let's eat a wiener for lunch.

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Does it come with a tossed salad?

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It probably comes with a tossed something....

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Seed?

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Eat this and smell like a rose.

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Here is the latest Amazon Prime drone.

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Zitat von Richard230 im Beitrag #492

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Here is the latest Amazon Prime drone.

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Here are some corny Halloween jokes that are real groaners:

What side of a werewolf has the most hair? The outside

How does a witch keep her hair in place? Scare spray

What's a monsters favorite veggie? Candy Corn

What goes OOB!!! A ghost flying backwards

Here is something that Bravo should appreciate:


ANDY ROONEY ON SEX!

1. When I was born, I was given a choice - a big pecker or a good memory....
I don't remember what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings..."

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dial were too small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Answer: Breasts don't have eyes.