RE: A reasonably clean joke thread - 28

In Tesco today queuing for the checkout and there was an elderly couple standing behind me.
The old fella says to me" Looks like you got the last pack of toilet paper". He then explained how they'd got none at home.
"Here have this one". I pass him the pack and he puts it in their trolley.
"That's very kind of but what will you do now?" He asks.
"It's ok I don't think I can get no more in the loft anyway" says I.

Just don't post this crap.

Zitat von Bravo im Beitrag #407

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The coronavirus has <snip>...

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Cool is not a word middle aged men should use,its so... well uncool

Simplified Urine Test For Senior Men

Avoid those lab tests and costly co-pays that your doctor's tell you to get at Quest Diagnostics.

Simply go outside and pee in the front yard.

If ant's gather: DIABETES.

If you pee on your feet: PROSTATE

If it smells like a barbecue: CHOLESTEROL

If your wrist hurts when you shake it: OSTEOARTHRITIS

If you return to your house with your penis outside your pants: ALZHEIMER'S

I got some doggy cartoons dumped into my inbox lap this morning. Here are some of the unnamed better ones.

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Here is something for Easter.

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People for years have asked which came first, the chicken or the egg. My money is on the rooster.

Whoever said one man cannot change the world obviously never met the person who ate the infected bat.

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Here are a few homeschooling jokes:

HOMESCHOOL HOT LUNCH: Monday: Mac ‘n cheese with fruit cup; Tuesday: Chicken nuggets & chips; Wednesday: Mac n cheese again; Thursday: Make your own damn lunch; Friday: Cheetos.

The best thing about homeschooling is that now I can add “I’ll fail you” to my repertoire of empty parenting threats.

Day two of home school: My three year-old is better than you’d expect at Grand Theft Auto.

[Homeschool field trip to the laundry room] Kids: Dad, what IS this place? Me: I have absolutely no idea

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Here are this week's "groaners" for you:

What does a house wear? Address

87% of gym members don't even know their gym is closed.

Last night my wife and I watched 2 movies back to back. Luckily, I was the one facing the TV.

My bank called to say I had an outstanding balance. I said "Thanks, I used to do gymnastics" and hung up. That was nice of them to say.

A local casino now offers curbside pickup. Call ahead and they come out and take your money right from your car.

I asked the librarian if she knew any authors who wrote dinosaur novels. She said to try Sarah Topps.

I choked on a carrot stick today and the first thing I thought was "I bet a doughnut wouldn't have done that"

A friend blocked me on Facebook because I post too many bird puns. Well, toucan play that game.

If the price of crude drops any lower, the oil companies are going to have to lay off some Congressmen....

Me: Alexa, start calling me "stud muffin" Alexa: Not even if Jeff Bezos threatened to fire me

Where did the Terminator find toilet paper? Aisle B, back

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta

A friend just dumped a batch of cartoons into my inbox. I got a chuckle out of most of them. Maybe you will too.

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