RE: A reasonably clean joke thread - 25

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Although you could end up with a small swelling 😉

DO NOT TOUCH!
Must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

You know how sometimes even when you're not hungry you'll get tempted to eat something just because it's in front you?

That's how I lost my job as a gynaecologist.

My wife informed me as it's valentine's day tomorrow she wants us to make love on a bed of roses.

I'm getting thorny just thinking about it.

A young woman goes into the confessional,
'Father, I have sinned.
Last night I had improper thoughts about being naked with my boyfriend'.
The priest was shocked,
'Go to the font, rub your brow with holy water and say 5 Hail Mary's'

Another girl comes in,
'Father I have sinned.
Last night I held my boyfriends penis for the first time'
The priest was shocked again,
'Go to the font and wash your hands in holy water and say 10 Hail Mary's'

As they stood at the font another girl comes into the church and said,
'Hey, go steady with that stuff, I'm going to have to gargle with it in a minute'.

Alan

Zitat von wessie im Beitrag #365

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the 1970s has been on the phone and would like their material back

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A young lad went to confession.
"Forgive me father for I have sinned,last night I masturbated about my sister".
The Priest replied "You wicked boy and you having two beautiful brothers as well."

Zitat von wessie im Beitrag #369

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Zitat von Bravo im Beitrag #367

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Zitat von wessie im Beitrag #365

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the 1970s has been on the phone and would like their material back

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Has it"WOKE" up?

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[mode David Attenborough]
"and here we have the barely reconstructed 70s man, emerging into the third decade of the 21st century. Dazzled by the luminescence of the Thunberg, he makes a topical joke."

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A politician was visiting a rural community and asked a farmer what was needed. The farmer said they had no local doctor. The politician pulled out his cell phone, made a call, and told the farmer a doctor was on the way. The farmer thanked him and said they could also use a cell tower as they had no cell phone reception.

As it's Valentine's day my wife asked me where I was taking her tonight.
Apparently "Up the arse" was not the right answer.

💘I bought the Wife a pair of shoes and a dildo for Valentine's Day. If she doesn't like the shoes she can go and fuck herself 😉

More bad news from China :
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​ if I hear any more I’ll let you all know.