RE: A reasonably clean joke thread - 39

Self explanatory I hope!!

Chris

it was me.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)

you pays yer money(in some cases) yer takes yer choice

Here is a joke from a Frank & Ernest a cartoon in my newspaper today that I thought was kind of funny: The medical school professor asks his students: "who can define a bone ". The reply is" "the shortest distance between two joints".

Check out my new ATV.

all terrain ATV.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)

Zitat von Richard230 im Beitrag #575

---

Check out my new ATV.

---

Here are this weekend's cartoons.

More email cartoons. I just picked out the ones that I liked.

IMG_1513.JPG - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)IMG_1511.jpeg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)IMG_1517.jpeg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)IMG_1523.jpeg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)IMG_1527.jpeg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)IMG_1531.jpeg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)

A 95 year old man goes in for his annual check up, only to find his old doctor has passed away.

The young replacement checks him over and tells him he's in great shape for his age.

"Aren't you forgetting something? Old doc Johnson always checked my sperm count.”

"But you're 95" replies the youngster.

The old man persists and gets his way. The doctor gives him a specimen bottle and tells him to return it with his sample.

A few days later the old man returns with his head hung low and hands him the empty jar. The doctor smiles "Have a little trouble old timer?"

The old man replies "Doc, I tried with my left hand and I tried with my right. Edith, God bless her, she tried with her teeth in and she tried with her teeth out...

















but we CANNOT get the lid off this bottle.

Watch what you say around little girls.

the build.jpeg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)

Now don't lie.... What do you see first😉🤔IMG-20210617-WA0000.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)

A fellow on the Royal Enfield forum came up with this explanation of the old Soviet economic system which I thought was both funny and likely pretty accurate:

Well, with the actual Soviet system you produced 4 widgets a day but recorded you made 6.

The transport guy would pick up your 4 widgets to drop at the railway station but record he collected 6.

The railway yard would receive the 4 real widgets and 2 imaginary ones and ship 2 real ones and 4 of the imaginary ones to Moscow and stockpile the other 2 real ones, as there was insufficient rolling stock available to ship 6 real widgets, and anyway maybe they could sell the left over real ones, that did not fit on the train, on the black market (there being no real black market for imaginary widgets) as they had not been paid in over a year and needed the cash.

At Moscow the 6 widgets (2 real and 4 imaginary) would be put in storage. No one minded the shortfall, as there was insufficient space to store 6 real widgets anyway.

An inventory at a later date would reveal that 4 of the stored widgets (the imaginary ones) had been stolen initiating an investigation into theft in the Moscow warehouses. Though no-one really cared because there was no actual demand for widgets as they were obsolete tech that no one really wanted.

I suppose in a way it was a Cold War era forerunner of Futures Trading in the west - where people buy and sell imaginary cows.

I picked up this cartoon on the Royal Enfield forum (of all places). Most likely you will have to be a programmer to fully appreciate it, though. However, I do recall working with COBOL in college trying to program an IBM 360 (?) mainframe using punch cards. I don't think I ever got a program to work properly. That was when I decided that I never wanted to be a computer programmer and decided that civil engineering was more up my alley.

This cartoon is pretty small so you might have to download it and magnify it on your computer to see it clearly.


Programming.jpeg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)

There was a similar joke about Windows operating systems vs. others. If I find it, I'll post it.