RE: A reasonably clean joke thread - 43

Here is another good one.

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A blind man enters a bar and find his way to a barstool. He orders a drink, and sits there for a while, then yells to the bartender,
"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice,the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm 6' tall, 200 pound, blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he's a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler. Take a moment and think about it- do you really want to tell a blonde joke?"
The man thinks for a moment, then says
"Nah, not if I'm going to have to explain it five times."

you might be blonde.

My favourite one liner stolen from I think it is Amina Saied - stand up comedian:

" A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double-entendre. So the barman gave her one!"

Chris

Einstein is taking the train to New York when he turns to a fellow passenger and asks 'Do you know if Boston stops on this line?'

I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday.
Not only is it terrible, it's also terrible

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With Thanksgiving holiday in mind

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy answered, "No ma'am, they're dead."

I don’t mean to be a grinch however.... to those of you who are placing Christmas lights/decorations in your yards, would you please avoid anything that has Red or Blue flashing lights together? Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police and I have a panic attack. I have to brake hard, toss my beer out the window, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the gun under the seat. All while trying to drive. It's just too much drama, even for Christmas. Thank you for your cooperation and understanding. Happy Holidays!

The latest cartoons have arrived. Just in time for a Friday morning groan.

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While riding my motorcycle, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.
Dazed and confused, I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with a cleavage to die for.

"I'm okay I think." I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

She said, "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head."

"That's nice of you," I answered, "But I don't think my girlfriend will like me doing that!"

"Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."

Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my girlfriend won't like this."

We arrived at her place which was just a few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my girlfriend is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."

Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

"My guess is that she's still in the ditch."

Both AI and humans can't always understand each other as illustrated in this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxxAwDHgQhE&t=1s