RE: A reasonably clean joke thread - 44

Karl Marx and Adam Smith are on a boat. Karl Marx falls into the water. Who pushed him ?
The invisible hand

If at first you don't succeed, keep on trying.

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Here comes another one.

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Here is a "groaner" for you: I saw a sick pony the other day. He was a little horse. He was also very sad, he had such a long face.

And this one might take a few seconds to get the story.

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I’m a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable.

Doctor: “Sir, I’m afraid your DNA is backwards.” Me: “And?”

I’m reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen… I can feel it.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

Did you hear about the two Tahitian lasses that were looking for a Mandalay?

Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race? It ended in a tie!

Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.

The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.

A plateau is the highest form of flattery.

Saving lives for 100 years.

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Zitat von wessie im Beitrag #653

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Just done my good deed for today. This morning at the Waitrose check out I was behind an old lady in the queue. Her bill came to £56.83 but when she counted out all her change she only had just under £50. I thought she was probably someone’s Nan and I’d like to think someone would have helped my Nan out in that situation. She didn’t want me to help her but I insisted, and in no time we had all her shopping back on the shelves...

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How about a hot air-powered car? Perfect for every politician. Unlimited range: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZuWdTwq8js

If you see someone buying candy, popcorn and a soda at the movies, they are a drug dealer. There's no other explanation for that type of income.

After a year of this pandemic, I'm either going out for ice cream or to commit a felony. I'll decide in the car.

I know it's time to clean out my purse when my car assumes it's an extra passenger who isn't wearing a seat belt.

Dr. Oz says rubbing coffee grounds on your naked body will get rid of cellulite. Apparently you can't do this in Starbucks. And now the cops are here.

Do not vaccinate health care workers first. If it fails, we're all in trouble. Vaccinate the politicians first. If we lose a few of them, it won't matter.

In the 1980's I fell off my bike and skinned my knee. I'm telling you this now because we didn't have social media then.

Some people seem to have aged like fine wine. I aged like milk ... I got sour and chunky.

Dear Sneeze: If you're going to happen, happen. Don't just put a stupid look on my face and then leave.

Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, worthless, bacon-less years.

I still have a full deck... I just shuffle slower.

We all know Albert Einstein was a genius. But his brother Frank was a monster.

Why do mice have such small balls.

Because very few of them know how to dance.

If you ride a Royal Enfield don't piss off a goat - or he will piss on your tank.

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My best mate caught me licking and fingering his mother's fanny.

Made the remainder of her funeral a bit awkward.

Zitat von Bravo im Beitrag #659

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My best mate caught me licking and fingering his mother's fanny.

Made the remainder of her funeral a bit awkward.

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