RE: A reasonably clean joke thread - 42

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Took me a few seconds, but...that's funny.

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A dead duck tale:

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador.

As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head.

A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$1500!" she cried, "$1500 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $100, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $1500."

Nothing ever changes.

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Changing clocks twice a year is certainly traumatic. Every device seems to have a different way to adjust the time. California citizens apparently became so upset about having to change their clocks back and forth, between Standard Time and Daylight Savings Time that they recently voted overwhelmingly to stick with just Standard Time all year long. So far that hasn't happened as that would need approval by the U.S. Congress and you all know how quickly they work. lol

All of which reminds me that it won't be long before I will need to drop an hour on my clocks so that I can program my VCRs correctly to record free TV programs. In addition to my three VCRs, I will have to change my auto's clock, six motorcycle clocks, three clock radios and various other clocks around the house that I never pay any attention to except twice a year.

What a struggle! Anyone still remember how to adjust the clock on your BMW's instrument display, or will you have to find that owner's manual again and try to figure it out once more?

Mine just syncs with the GPS.

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Zitat von L2RKE im Beitrag #625

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And there's more.

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Zitat von Richard230 im Beitrag #626

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Zitat von L2RKE im Beitrag #625

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And there's more.

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That is bad news.

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This is a good one as long as you don't mind hearing a story about a dead donkey:

Morty Applebaum bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, but I have some bad news. The donkey died."

"Well, then, just give me my money back," said Morty.

"Can't do that,” replied the farmer. “I went and spent it already."

"OK, then. Just unload the donkey."

"What ya gonna do with him?"

"I'm going to raffle him off."

"You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

"Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."

A month later the farmer met up with Morty and asked, "Whatever happened with that dead donkey?"

"I raffled him off. I sold five hundred tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998."

"Didn't anyone complain?" asked the farmer.

"Just the guy who won,” said Morty. “So I gave him his two dollars back."

I saw this cartoon which was published in my newspaper yesterday and it really resonated with me.

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