RE: A reasonably clean joke thread - 40

I sent that cartoon to my son-in-law who programs (codes?) all day long. Here is what he had to say about the points the cartoon was trying to make regarding the different types of computer languages:

I get some of those punchlines.

I understand what they're saying about C++ however it doesn't capture the true difference between C++ and most of the other languages. Building a horse in C++ would take longer and would require more detail than most of the other options but when you're done it would be a sturdy and fast horse.

I don't understand the Java joke.

The JavaScript joke is... maybe funny because they are repurposing the words "backbone" and "angular"? Not sure.

I don't understand the NoSql joke except maybe they are joking about how if you don't use SQL (hence the "No") then your database is not easily searchable, so data can get lost there unless you remember where it is.

COBOL is an old language and few developers use/know it. A "dragon" is a large complicated application/system that developers struggle to fix/use/understand.

LISP uses a LOT of parentheses and the interesting behavior can be hidden deep inside those parentheses in non-obvious places.

I don't understand the C# joke.

Assembly is one level above byte-code and can produce the most optimized version of a horse, but you just can't write big complicated featureful horses with it.

PHP is used for websites which can suffer from exploits. I guess the joke is: if you try to make a horse with PHP then it will inevitably have exploits and many hackers will take advantage of them to make your life miserable.

Interestingly, they couldn't come up with a joke about Python (one of the more popular programming languages).

Zitat

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Different operating systems. Different styles. But what if the quirks and styles of the different operating systems were applied to AIRLINES?

What if airlines ran things the way operating systems do? This humorous analogy, applying operating system philosophies as if they were airlines, is a long-standing much-circulated amusing story, and we'd credit the author if we knew who wrote it!

If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines...

UNIX Airways

Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.

Air DOS

Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on...

Mac Airlines

All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

Windows Air

The terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

Windows NT Air

Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.

Windows XP Air

You turn up at the airport,which is under contract to only allow XP Air planes. All the aircraft are identical, brightly coloured and three times as big as they need to be. The signs are huge and all point the same way. Whichever way you go, someone pops up dressed in a cloak and pointed hat insisting you follow him. Your luggage and clothes are taken off you and replaced with an XP Air suit and suitcase identical to everyone around you as this is included in the exorbitant ticket cost. The aircraft will not take off until you have signed a contract. The inflight entertainment promised turns out to be the same Mickey Mouse cartoon repeated over and over again. You have to phone your travel agent before you can have a meal or drink. You are searched regularly throughout the flight. If you go to the toilet twice or more you get charged for a new ticket. No matter what destination you booked you will always end up crash landing at Whistler in Canada.

OSX Air

You enter a white terminal, and all you can see is a woman sitting in the corner behind a white desk, you walk up to get your ticket. She smiles and says "Welcome to OS X Air, please allow us to take your picture", at which point a camera in the wall you didn't notice before takes your picture. "Thank you, here is your ticket" You are handed a minimalistic ticket with your picture at the top, it already has all of your information. A door opens to your right and you walk through. You enter a wide open space with one seat in the middle, you sit, listen to music and watch movies until the end of the flight. You never see any of the other passengers. You land, get off, and you say to yourself "wow, that was really nice, but I feel like something was missing"

Windows Vista Airlines

You enter a good looking terminal with the largest planes you have ever seen. Every 10 feet a security officer appears and asks you if you are "sure" you want to continue walking to your plane and if you would like to cancel. Not sure what cancel would do, you continue walking and ask the agent at the desk why the planes are so big. After the security officer making sure you want to ask the question and you want to hear the answer, the agent replies that they are bigger because it makes customers feel better, but the planes are designed to fly twice as slow. Adding the size helped achieve the slow fly goal.

Once on the plane, every passenger has to be asked individually by the flight attendants if they are sure they want to take this flight. Then it is company policy that the captain asks the passengers collectively the same thing. After answering yes to so many questions, you are punched in the face by some stranger who when he asked "Are you sure you want me to punch you in the face? Cancel or Allow?" you instinctively say "Allow".

After takeoff, the pilots realize that the landing gear driver wasn't updated to work with the new plane. Therefore it is always stuck in the down position. This forces the plane to fly even slower, but the pilots are used to it and continue to fly the planes, hoping that soon the landing gear manufacturer will give out a landing gear driver update.

You arrive at your destination wishing you had used your reward miles with XP airlines rather than trying out this new carrier. A close friend, after hearing your story, mentions that Linux Air is a much better alternative and helps.

Linux Air

Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself.

When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"

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Anyone recall the old cowboy song Ghost Riders in the Sky? Well, here is Ghost Chickens in the Sky : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pkdci55adqk&t=5s

A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly… The sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, “Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.” The biker pulled over and said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.” The Lord said, “Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for Me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.” The biker thought about it for a long time Finally he said, “Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives. I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing’s wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.” The Lord replied, “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

Shamelessly stolen from a foreign language TV show I was watching:

A man walks into a circus and asks to see the Ringmaster. He is pointed in the right direction, knocks, and goes into the Ringmaster's trailer. "I want to join your circus" he says. "Many do. Come in." said the Ringmaster. "Now, what's your act?"

"I can do a bird impression." says the man. The Ringmaster laughed. "Bird impressions? That isn't going to impress a big top tent full of paying customers! Good day, sir!" and holds the door open for him.

The man sighs, walks to the door, then flies away.

Someone on the Royal Enfield forum posted this photo, which gives you an idea of what interests them - tractors and babes.

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Karma vs Dogma.

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Fun with lasers and cats. But the after-effects might not be as much fun.

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DEAD HORSE

"When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount and get a different horse."

However, in government, more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:

1. Buying a stronger whip.

2. Changing riders.

3. Appointing a committee to study the horse.

4. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride dead
horses.

5. Lowering the standards so that the dead horse can be included.

6. Reclassifying the dead horse as 'living impaired'.

7. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.

8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.

9. Providing additional funding and / or training to increase dead horse's
performance.

10. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the
dead horse's performance.

11. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less
costly, carries lower overheads and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.

12. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.

I can see the point of getting lots of shots from this nice lady.

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