RE: A reasonably clean joke thread - 55

Here are a few Not-Yet-Hump-Day cartoons.

traveling fun.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)sleep alarm.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)old guys racer.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)love your cat.png - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)Jack Russells.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)found the phone.png - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)forgot to go.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)dung beetle gift.png - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)dog warning sign.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)dog gift.png - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)cat help.png - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)

The Hump Day cartoons have arrived.

bee keeper.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)bird sound options.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)butter making.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)cat talk.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)controller.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)first car.png - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)hot shower.png - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)masked-up.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)playground fun.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)T-shirts.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)

If airlines sold paint ...


Buying paint from a hardware store:

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?

Clerk: We have regular quality for $12 a gallon and premium for $18. How many gallons would you like?

Customer: Five gallons of regular quality, please.

Clerk: Great. That will be $60 plus tax.


Buying paint from an airline:

Customer: Hi, how much is your paint?

Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends.

Customer: Depends on what?

Clerk: Actually, a lot of things.

Customer: How about giving me an average price?

Clerk: Wow, that's too hard a question. The lowest price is $9 a gallon, and we have 150 different prices up to $200 a gallon.

Customer: What's the difference in the paint?

Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint.

Customer: Well, then, I'd like some of that $9 paint.

Clerk: Well, first I need to ask you a few questions. When do you intend to use it?

Customer: I want to paint tomorrow, on my day off.

Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint. We are out of the $9 paint tomorrow.

Customer: What? When would I have to paint in order to get the $9 version?

Clerk: That would be in three weeks, but you will also have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday.

Customer: You've got to be kidding!

Clerk: Sir, we don't kid around here. Of course, I'll have to check to see if we have any of that paint available before I can sell it to you.

Customer: What do you mean check to see if you can sell it to me? You have shelves full of that stuff; I can see it right there.

Clerk: Just because you can see it doesn't mean that we have it. It may be the same paint, but we sell only a certain number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and by the way, the price just went to $12.

Customer: You mean the price went up while we were talking!

Clerk: Yes, sir. You see, we change prices and rules thousands of times a day, and since you haven't actually walked out of the store with your paint yet, we just decided to change. Unless you want the same thing to happen again, I would suggest that you get on with your purchase. How many gallons do you want?

Customer: I don't know exactly. Maybe five gallons. Maybe I should buy six gallons just to make sure I have enough.

Clerk: Oh, no, sir, you can't do that. If you buy the paint and then don't use it, you will be liable for penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you already have.

Customer: What?

Clerk: That's right. We can sell you enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall and north bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the bedroom, you will be in violation of our tariffs and have to pay the higher price for the paint you used.

Customer: But what does it matter to you whether I use all the paint? I already paid you for it!

Clerk: Sir, there's no point in getting upset; that's just the way it is. We make plans based upon the idea that you will use all the paint, and when you don't, it just causes us all sorts of problems.

Customer: This is crazy! I suppose something terrible will happen if I don't keep painting until after Saturday night!

Clerk: Yes, sir, it will.

Customer: Well, that does it! I'm going somewhere else to buy my paint.

Clerk: That won't do you any good, sir. We all have the same rules.

I think my wife is trying to tell me something.snoring bike.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)

Here are a couple of cute ones.

daily grind.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)Medusa in winter.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)

Dr test.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)

If Jesus had been born over two thousand years later.....


3-kings visit.png - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)

This guy has an itch.

his balls itch.png - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)

Zitat von Richard230 im Beitrag #818

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This guy has an itch.

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Zitat von zer0netgain im Beitrag #819

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Zitat von Richard230 im Beitrag #818

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This guy has an itch.

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Could you use a photo with a little less resolution?

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It is getting hard to find cartoons that this forum likes. But here are three.

electric bike.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)pole climbers nightmare.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)tail lights.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)

Holiday turkey cooking tip of the day.

bird cooking tip.png - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)

If you are a cat lover, don't look at this cartoon.

IMG_1740.JPG - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)

Zitat von Richard230 im Beitrag #823

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If you are a cat lover, don't look at this cartoon.

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Why cats are not leashed. (Sorry about the thumbnail size.)

dog talk.jpeg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)