RE: A reasonably clean joke thread - 16

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Nothing new here, but it does make a good point which is worth repeating once in a while:

A mechanic was pulling the cylinder head off an old motorcycle, when a well known surgeon walked into his workshop.

"Hey Doc, I have question for you", he shouted across the garage.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on an old rag and asked. "Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, pull the valves out, fix them, put them back and the engine runs like new. So how come I get such a small wage while you get the really big bucks, while basically, we are doing the same thing?"

The surgeon leans over to the mechanic, smiles, then whispers. "Try doing that with the engine running."

The older you are, the more you will appreciate this joke.then and now.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)

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A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter,and sees that it's filled to the brim with £10 notes. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand pounds in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"
"Well..., you pay £10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus"
The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?"
"You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules."
So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender £10 which he stuffs into the jar.
"Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do:
First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in 60 seconds or less, and you can't make a face while doing it."
"Second - There's a pit bull chained in
the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands."
"Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex. You
have to take care of that problem."
The man is stunned! "I know I paid my £10 -- but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart
of tequila and then do all those other things!"
"Your call," says the bartender, "but,
your money stays where it is."
As time goes on, the man has a few
more drinks and finally says, "Where's the damn tequila?!"
He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can.Tears stream down both cheeks -- but he doesn't make a face -- and he drinks it in 58 seconds!
Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight -- then nothing but silence!
Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar. His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body. He drunkenly says, "Now..., where's that old woman with the bad tooth?"

A father walks into a book store with his son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help:
A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the book store.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying....
"I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"
"No." the woman replied. "Divorce attorney."

I went to a party last night,had a few drinks and decided to have a dance.
The DJ played The Twist,I got up and Twisted,
He played Jump,I got up and Jumped.
He played Come On Eileen,I got kicked out.

So I asked Alexa "What do women want?"

The fuckin thing hasn't shut up for three days.

Apparently, goats are now riding Royal Enfields. Royal Enfield goat.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)

Here are some more doggie fun.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)joke of the day.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)Kohls checkout.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)slugs and snails.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)cute cartoons.

And this is today's joke and cartoon dump:

Donald Trump In The Holy Land: Donald Trump goes on a fact-finding visit to Israel. While he is on a tour of Jerusalem he suffers a heart attack and dies. The undertaker tells the American Diplomats accompanying him, 'You can have him shipped home for $50,000, or you can bury him here, in the Holy Land for just $100.' The American diplomats go into a corner and discuss for a few minutes. They come back to the undertaker and tell him they want Donald shipped home. The undertaker is puzzled and asks, 'Why would you spend $50,000 to ship him home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $100? The American Diplomats replied, 'Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. We just can't take the risk.'

The man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight. While en-route home, he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspects his wife is having an affair, and he wants to catch her in the act. For £100, the cabby agrees. Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is his wife, naked, with a man. The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouts, 'Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money. HE paid for the Porsche I gave you. HE paid for your new 25 ft. Ranger Fishing Boat. HE paid for your Football season tickets. HE paid for our house at the lake. HE paid for your Golf Trip to St Andrews and your new 4 x 4. HE paid for our country club membership and HE even pays the monthly dues!'
Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks over at the cabby and says, 'What would you do'?
The cabby replies, 'I'd cover him with that blanket before he catches a cold.'

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Apparently Royal Enfield owners can come up with some pretty good jokes when their bikes are not running.Royal Enfield owner joke.png - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)

Here are some cute classroom jokes.

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