RE: A reasonably clean joke thread - 14

Here are some cartoons that are worth a chuckle.

Apparently the cartoon uploading system is not working today.

Zitat von Bravo im Beitrag #197

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I do hope this doesn't cause offence,I found it hilarious.

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Zitat von wessie im Beitrag #198

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Zitat von Bravo im Beitrag #197

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I do hope this doesn't cause offence,I found it hilarious.

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It's satire, old satire, made by the BBC over 2 years ago. Even the Guardian says it's okay
https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio...ed-but-we-arent

In the context of the headline news story in the UK today, somewhat insensitive to recirculate it today, maybe. I don't suppose many here, if any at all, give a toss.

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Zitat von andygriff im Beitrag #199

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Zitat von Bravo im Beitrag #197

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I do hope this doesn't cause offence,I found it hilarious.

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Wait, you're worried about causing offence ... that s a first

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This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet
of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!

DANGEROUS QUESTION: What's for dinner?
SAFER QUESTION: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST QUESTION: Where would you like to go for dinner?

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?

And my personal favorite...! ..
DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't over do it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!

Made me smile today,..

A young woman brought her fiancé home to meet her parents.

After dinner, her mother told the girl's father to find out about the young man.

The father invited the fiancé to his study for a talk.

"So, what are your plans?" the father asked the young man.

"I am a biblical scholar," he replied

"A biblical scholar, hmmm?" the father said. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter?"

I will study," the young man replied, "and God will provide for us."

"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asked the father.

"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replied, "God will provide for us."

"And children?" asked the father. "How will you support children?"

"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replied the fiancé.

The conversation proceeded like this...and each time the father questioned, the young idealist insisted that God would provide.

Later, the mother asked, "How did your talk go, dear ?"

The father answered, "He's a Labour voter. He has no job, he has no plans, and he thinks I'm God.”

I have no idea if this is true or not, but it could very well be:


This notice can now be found in all French churches:
En entrant dans cette église, il est possible que vous entendiez l'appel de Dieu.
Par contre, il n’est pas susceptible de vous contacter par téléphone.
Merci d'avoir éteint votre téléphone.
Si vous souhaitez parler à Dieu, entrez, choisissez un endroit tranquille et parle lui.
Si vous souhaitez le voir, envoyez-lui un SMS en conduisant.

Translation:
It is possible that on entering this church, you may hear the Call of God.
On the other hand, it is not likely that he will contact you by phone.
Thank you for turning off your phone.
If you would like to talk to God, come in, choose a quiet place, and talk to him.
If you would like to see him, send him a text while driving.

Here is a link to a funny page full of jokes about Lucas Electrics: http://mez.co.uk/lucas.html

And speaking of the Prince.Lucas sign 1.png - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)Lucas sign 2.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)

At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.

The painting depicted 3 black men totally naked, sitting on a bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment. He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society. 'In fact', he pointed out, 'some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society'.

After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, 'Would you like to know what the painting is really about?' 'Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery, asked the couple'? 'Because I'm the artist, who painted the picture,' he replied. 'In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all. They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.

Governments explained.government 1.png - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)government 2.png - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)government 3.png - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)government 4.png - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)government 6.png - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)government 5.png - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)government 7.png - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)government 8.png - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)government 9.png - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)government 10.png - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)government 11.png - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)government 12.png - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)government 13.png - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)government 14.png - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)government 15.png - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)government 16.png - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)government 17.png - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)

Here is some funny British humor that landed in my inbox today:

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!

FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.


COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.


JOINING NUDIST COLONY !
Must sell washer and dryer £100.


WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

**** And the WINNER is... ****


FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.


Statement of the Century
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly.“If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?”