RE: A reasonably clean joke thread - 49

Easter bunnies.

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It wasn't chicken.

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Still needs work.

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Friday cartoons.

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And another batch.

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A little political humor for the times here:

A politician (undisclosed) was visiting a school during election time.

She (oops) noticed that out on the sports field one boy was standing alone and went over to investigate.
"Why aren't you joining in with all the other children, are you the victim of oppression, cast out by your classmates and left to ponder upon social injustice within society" she asked of the boy (with press reporter's gathered)?

"No Miss, I'm the goalkeeper" the boy replied!

They hit bedrock.

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And here are your Tuesday cartoons. A couple of good ones in this batch.

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Donner Party Memorial , oh that's cruel.

Accompanied the wife to court this morning- She'd been caught stealing a can of peaches!
The magistrate asked her how many peaches were in the tin?
"4 halved your honour" she replied
"Then I sentence you to 4 day's in prison"
"Hang on, what about the large bag of frozen peas she also nicked" I said ?

I hope these are not the last cartoons posted on this forum. I am off this weekend for my first BMW rally of the season and will return after the possible termination of the R1200RS forum. So these, such as they are, will have to finish up the month of April.

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A nervous, schleppy, 50-year-old mamma's boy of a man, is a virgin and on his first date.
He hopes to finally experience a romantic night going all the way.
He stops into the local Walgreen's Pharmacy for condoms.
He sees a clerk in aisle 5, and sheepishly asks in a cracking voice, "Excuse me sir, can you help me? I've never done this before, but can you help me with some prophylactics?
"Uh-hem. You mean condoms, sir?" responds the clerk.
The mamma's boy turns red, leans in and whispers "uh, y-yes. Sir...yiieeesss that's what I need. Can you make a suggestion?"
Clerk raises an eyebrow,clears his throat, chokes back laughing, but is nevertheless courteous and helpfully shows him what is popular.
"Ohhh thank you. Thank you very much sir. So is this what you'd get??" "You're entirely welcome" responds the clerk, nodding.
The clerk, bemused and a bit bewildered, watches the guy saunter to the checkout at the front of the store.

The nervous guy queues up in line for a cashier. A pretty young woman cashier, cheerfully, enthusiastically calls out to him, " I can help you right here sir."
He holds out the condoms at eye level in plain view, "Oh can you?? Bless your heart miss. But I need your help. I need to know how much these are. Can you help me??"
She blushes a little, still smiling, and simply says, " Certainly sir. I will scan them for you."
"Sir, they're $12.99. Would you like me to ring them up for you?"
"Oh bless your heart, yieeesss. Yieees I would. That would be terrific. Bless your heart, miss. It's my first time purchasing them here."

She rings them up and gently puts them in a small Walgreen's bag, hands them to him, and responds, " That will be $13.96. Cash or credit, sir?"
He's a little dazed and confused. His hair starts standing up. If you were to look at him through the one way, theft prevention mirror glass behind the cashiers, you'd almost swear he's on tilt. His beady eyes behind his thick glasses look like a kaleidoscope.

In his cracky, nervous voice, he half-cackles the question, "Uhhh.. uhhh.. excuse me miss ...uhhh there must be some terrible mistake...I thought you said these were $12.99??"

"Oh, that includes tax, sir" she cheerfully responds.

He straightens up now, getting a grip on himself, and suddenly summoning pushy customer self-advocacy, and says gustily "Tacks!! What do I need with those???. I thought these things were suppose to stay on by themselves!"

Then and now.

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Here are some cartoons to start off your week. There are a few good ones in this batch.

wiener dog packing.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)adding jerks.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)fishing advice.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)not jogging.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)its your fault.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)not so friendly.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)class canceled.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)hand signals.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)did it again.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)no tomatoes.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)picnic trouble.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)not so happy.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)gift suggestion.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)poor Bernie.jpg - Bild entfernt (keine Rechte)