RE: A reasonably clean joke thread - 62

Got a stutter?
Avoid saying the word ghost in conversation.
Otherwise the person your talking to may think there's one behind them.

In my experience the garage floor sees itself as some sort of implacable pagan deity and demands a constant sacrifice of dropped or dislodged tools or components, the smaller and more fiddly examples of which will always land in the most inaccessible or poorly swept parts. Murphy might be its high priest.

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Two incomes are better than one.
Always make sure your partner has two jobs.

Follow me for more financial advice.

Just a minute longer. I am not quite finished.

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It's always better to have a bad day with a bald head than a good day with a man bun.

If you get angry just relax,take a deep breath breath and count to ten.
Unless of course you get angry about oxygen and numbers.

A woman is sitting at her recently deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?”.
“No, go right ahead”, the woman replies.
The man stands, clears his throat, says “Plethora”, and sits back down.
“Thanks”, the woman says, “that means a lot”.

Zitat von Richard230 im Beitrag #923

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A woman is sitting at her recently deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?”.
“No, go right ahead”, the woman replies.
The man stands, clears his throat, says “Plethora”, and sits back down.
“Thanks”, the woman says, “that means a lot”.

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On the death theme.........

Just before you die eat a whole bag of popcorn kernels, your cremation will be epic

Zitat von Becksy im Beitrag #890

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Zitat von Becksy im Beitrag #866

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2023:-

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Think we are now at Pretend Autumn.

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How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just two but I have no idea how they got in there..

Two girls on the checkout at Tesco one says to the other ."You can always tell the single blokes,here comes one now I bet"

He puts his shopping on the belt,one mushroom, one slice of bacon and a tin of beans.

"You're single aren't you?" She asks the guy.

"Yes how did you know?" He replied.

"Cos you're a right ugly cunt".

A fortune teller said I would come into money
Last night I shagged a girl called Penny
Spooky or what?

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